Fear and Recovery

For many years, I have been afraid. Many people have normal every day fears, but I take it to the extreme.. I have fear of being hurt. I have a bad bad fear of being hurt in a relationship. That leads to lack of trust and a whole list of issues..

Last night, a beautiful friendship about 2 years in the making went that extra step.. Of course me being an insecure man, I didn't see it coming, and if you haven't guessed yet, I didn't make the first move.

I operate in fear. I operate on the premise that things are going to go wrong. I also have low self esteem. I have a very beautiful, very sweet, very smart friend who is someone I can call at a moment's notice.. She is everything you would want in a friend. Last night, it went that one step further. Today, i've been walking around like a giddy teenager, but I also have that nagging feeling that I'm gonna do something to screw this up.

I have told her this, and her answer was, "you cant walk around with your head buried in the sand any longer.." She was right. I can't. But the feelings of impending doom are there. Knowing my past history when it comes to relationships, I have it there. It also doesn't help matters to know that whenever we are out together, she is being looked at because she is beautiful. It's not jealousy on my part, it's feeling so undeserving of anything good.

I have to work on the self esteem. I want to feel deserving. I told her last night how I didn't deserve to have her in my life. Her reply was, "I feel at times like I don't deserve you.."....

Wish me luck!! Andy

Amy's Story.. Plant a Simple Seed..

Please click on this link www.plantasimpleseed.blogspot.com .. This is Amy's story.. Read it, and please pass it along.. It is sad, but inspiring.. Andy