Stop The HATE!!

Recently at one of my meetings, a young, outspoken, (and in my opinion very beautiful inside and out) woman spoke out about being taunted as a child because of her weight. She spoke of the vicious taunts she received from school mates and how much it hurt. She then spoke of being talked about amongst her "friends" and even her family as an adult. The subtle little hints about how she's eating too much, and what made her break down and cry was the comment "No man will ever want you if you're fat".. This came from her mother.

This took me back to when I was taunted for being fat as a child. The pain of having someone you look up to and love telling you you're fat and the only way to stop the taunts is to lose weight. The gastric bypass I had dramatically reduced my size. I went from 505 lbs to my current 236 lbs. (I have been as low as 190 lbs). The looks stopped. The looks I was now receiving from women weren't looking at me as if to say, "oh, you poor thing you look like you feel miserable". The looks I was now getting were smiles, which lead to small talk, seeing what you have in common, then maybe an exchange of phone numbers. I still catch myself thinking from time to time (when I meet an attractive woman while i'm out shopping, eating, etc) I think, "would this woman even be talking to me if I was still 500 lbs.??)

Always having that thought in the back of my mind is not right. It comes from being told hateful hurtful things as a child. I sympathized with that young girl. I felt the same old feelings coming back. I caught myself beginning to cry. It STILL hurts!!

For those of you reading this, think about hateful things you have said.

I feel and I hurt for those young boys who have taken their lives because they were either gay or perceived to be that way. I can't say I know what goes on in their minds, but I do believe that being gay is not a choice. I think they are born that way. AND, you should not hate someone because they were born gay, black, mentally impaired, or handicapped. Being obese for me alot of people would say is a lifestyle choice. It is not. I have an addictive personality. When the food was gone after surgery, alcohol took it's place. I was born an addict. No one hates another person because they were born an addict, so why hate someone because they are born gay?

Being a straight man with several gay friends, I have a window into their world. I saw how a few of them were treated as children and as adults. I see the hurt they went through with their families. They are some of the best friends anyone could ask for. Also, I have friends who are alcoholics, obese, former drug addicts, and they are to me simply........ Friends..

Bullying.. Cyber or Otherwise..

Have any of you ever been bullied? Were you pushed around on the school bus by the big kids? Were you ever picked on because you were the fat kid? I was.
Now, were you ever picked on at work because you were different? I was.

Growing up for me was normal. I grew up on the farm, went to school, and suffered from bullying. I was taunted just for being the fat kid. It became such an everyday part of life for me, that I actually confused bullying for friendship. I would think to myself, "they didn't tease me today.. Are they mad at me?" That's not normal.

After I graduated high school, during that summer I lost weight. I made a conscious effort to lose some weight. I can't remember how much weight I lost, but it was substantial. I went into Eastern Kentucky University my freshman year with a different attitude and met a new set of friends. This is the time when I rushed a fraternity (and got in!), felt accepted for a short time. I was living away from home for the first time, able to spread my wings. Once I found out where the girls were, I was scared to death of being rejected. I eventually became less and less fearful of meeting girls in college. I thought it was just because I lost all of the weight I was getting attention from females. Looking back, I realize that it wasn't. They didn't know me before. They didn't know I was a fat kid. They didn't know me period. Even though I was more and more comfortable talking to females, that chip was still on my shoulder. Bullying was such a part of my life, I didn't know how to live without it.

After college, I came back home to work. I started to pick up weight again. It came back fast. I became so large, I wound up having to have gastric bypass surgery. During this time, I found myself being bullied at work because of my weight. I couldn't believe it. I was being bullied as an adult! It was a different kind of bullying, but it was happening. (and I have to add this.. Some of you who bullied me as an adult are going to be reading this, and I should have said this long ago.. You should really look at yourselves in the mirror and within before you EVER say anything or pass judgement to anyone again, because you are no prizes yourselves!)

Now there is cyberbullying. People are dying now because of being bullied. The recent trend seems to be toward gays. No matter how much you disagree with their lifestyle, it is wrong to bully them for it. Bullying is bullying whether or not you are male, female, straight, gay, black or white. It is wrong.

Next time you start to make a hateful comment to someone, take a look at yourself. Find something about you that you don't like. Then, imagine how you would feel is someone made a hateful remark about it.