Stop The HATE!!

Recently at one of my meetings, a young, outspoken, (and in my opinion very beautiful inside and out) woman spoke out about being taunted as a child because of her weight. She spoke of the vicious taunts she received from school mates and how much it hurt. She then spoke of being talked about amongst her "friends" and even her family as an adult. The subtle little hints about how she's eating too much, and what made her break down and cry was the comment "No man will ever want you if you're fat".. This came from her mother.

This took me back to when I was taunted for being fat as a child. The pain of having someone you look up to and love telling you you're fat and the only way to stop the taunts is to lose weight. The gastric bypass I had dramatically reduced my size. I went from 505 lbs to my current 236 lbs. (I have been as low as 190 lbs). The looks stopped. The looks I was now receiving from women weren't looking at me as if to say, "oh, you poor thing you look like you feel miserable". The looks I was now getting were smiles, which lead to small talk, seeing what you have in common, then maybe an exchange of phone numbers. I still catch myself thinking from time to time (when I meet an attractive woman while i'm out shopping, eating, etc) I think, "would this woman even be talking to me if I was still 500 lbs.??)

Always having that thought in the back of my mind is not right. It comes from being told hateful hurtful things as a child. I sympathized with that young girl. I felt the same old feelings coming back. I caught myself beginning to cry. It STILL hurts!!

For those of you reading this, think about hateful things you have said.

I feel and I hurt for those young boys who have taken their lives because they were either gay or perceived to be that way. I can't say I know what goes on in their minds, but I do believe that being gay is not a choice. I think they are born that way. AND, you should not hate someone because they were born gay, black, mentally impaired, or handicapped. Being obese for me alot of people would say is a lifestyle choice. It is not. I have an addictive personality. When the food was gone after surgery, alcohol took it's place. I was born an addict. No one hates another person because they were born an addict, so why hate someone because they are born gay?

Being a straight man with several gay friends, I have a window into their world. I saw how a few of them were treated as children and as adults. I see the hurt they went through with their families. They are some of the best friends anyone could ask for. Also, I have friends who are alcoholics, obese, former drug addicts, and they are to me simply........ Friends..

Addiction and Gastric Bypass: Then and Now

December is fast approaching. This December will mark the eighth anniversary of my gastric bypass surgery. It seems to me like the past eight years have flown by. They have passed with many changes. They have passed with much heartache.

When I had my surgery, I weighed 505 lbs. I weighed a quarter ton. Many of my close friends remember those days. I was still working as a paramedic, and I was miserable. My ankles, knees, and hands would swell constantly from congestive heart failure. My diabetes was slowly taking my vision. My blood pressure was through the roof, and I had to take 2 injections of Insulin daily, along with a handful of blood pressure medication and diuretics just to be able to walk and function. I was dying.

The fix for me at the time was surgery. St Joseph East had just opened the Center for Weight Loss Surgery in sept of 2002 and I was one of the first patients. At the time I was the largest one. They put 2 tables together so I could have surgery. The counseling resources at the time were limited. They were pretty much non existent. There was no counseling pre surgery. There were no resources available like there are now. I went into surgery as a Hail Mary to save my life.

Fast forward to June 2003. Six months after surgery, I had lost 200 lbs. I had lost a whole person. My waist size went from 64 to 44. I was no longer wearing 6XL shirts, I was in 3XL. In just 6 months this happened. One thing about me didn't change. My mindset. I was struggling inside with not being able to eat. I would eat and get sick very often. Then I began experiencing abdominal pain that would be a daily curse for the next 7 years. This pain was controlled by medication up to a point. I found an alternative to not being able to eat. Alcohol.

From that point on, alcohol became a daily habit. It escalated to the point it overtook my life. Alcohol had replaced food as my comfort. I wasn't able to eat what I wanted anymore, but I could get drunk. Alcohol as we all know comes with consequences. The train of consequences from alcohol can range from hangover to health problems to legal problems. It can happen. I'm living proof.

I had experienced a phenomenon known as "addiction transfer". I transitioned from food to alcohol. It wasn't a smooth transition. It was hard. I went from being hungover to being hospitalized due to alcohol poisoning. It was hell.

Fast forward to today. For about the past 6 months, my abdominal pain was at it's worst point. I began bleeding and the pain would double me over. My old stomach and the new pouch (that was made from my old stomach) grew back together. The pain and bleeding was caused by the staples coming loose inside from the muscle growth. I thought I was going to die from a combination of drinking and this abdominal bleeding.

Now, for the past 7 weeks, I have been pain free. No bleeding, no pain, and for the past 9 weeks, no alcohol (owe that to God!!). But, there is one drawback. I am now back to square one. My old stomach and new stomach are rejoined. I am able now to eat anything I want again. That comes with the same old consequences though. I can gain weight again. I can rapidly gain weight. I have to closely watch what and where I eat. Places I once enjoyed to eat such as Golden Corral and any Oriental buffet, are potentially harmful. If left to my own choice, I would eat there every day. This is where Alcoholics Anonymous comes in. Just because I have transferred back to eating from drinking doesn't mean I'm going to stop going to meetings. Going to AA, listening and realizing I'm not alone, will help me keep from eating myself into an early grave.

So, I guess the moral to my story is this. Before considering having this surgery, read everything you can about addiction transfer. Deal with any emotions and crises in your life before having surgery. Use the surgery as a tool for wellness, not a solution to a problem!!